OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
