Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
