Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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