The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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