Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize