I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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