No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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