How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Do you remember whose house we're in?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
