Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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