fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
