So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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