Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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