don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
