Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
