Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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