make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
i believe in u and ur pee
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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