It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
