I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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