i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
