i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
