i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
