Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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