Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
