Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
