Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
