Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
