we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
