I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
