Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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