got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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