Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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