After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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