Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
