Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
