We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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