for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
