I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
