fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
