Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
