It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
sex in a hospital.. check
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
