Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
