...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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