She said her name was "party"
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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