I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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