I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
