He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
