what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
