The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
