I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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