dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
