I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
