my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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