my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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