My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
