whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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