we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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