is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
