weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
