whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
