If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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