this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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