Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
