She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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