I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
