Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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