So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
