i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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