3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
